Parenting with God

Parenting comes with unknown risks, but also with great benefits. I know, …I am now a grandfather. I’ll get back to this later.

I watch Nanny 911 & Super Nanny with mixed emotions. I wonder just how bad it must be for these families to have to go through the embarrassment of being on national TV with their family problems.

Where are the mentors for these Moms & Dads? It is almost like we have had a generation grow up by them selves.

First things first – I don’t believe anyone can raise a child, without the help of God.
I know, it is not politically correct to bring God up in anything today, and that again I believe just adds to our problems. It doesn’t take a village, it takes a parent who is in contact with the God who made us. So, here is my point: with God in your life, you have someone to call on at all hours of the day and night, who has the information you need, and the power to help you make it through. I need that kind of support, and so do you!

God’s Word makes some pretty interesting reading about parenting. It doesn’t always agree with Super Nanny either. Super Nanny would tell us to use only words to discipline. God’s Word says that we must teach children that there are consequences to their bad choices. (The prison system agrees, teach them now or they will later.)

Check out this wisdom from one of the wisest Dad’s in all history:
A refusal to correct is a refusal to love. Love your children by disciplining them.
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.

You see, there are times that your children must feel the sting of disobedience. Now, understand, beating your child with anger in your heart is not what God’s Word is talking about.

Step One - Get Yourself Under Control
Sometimes we have to send our kids away from us to get our disappointment/anger under control – count to 10 , … 100 or wait 30 minutes before we discipline. And ask yourself, what is the best way to get my child to understand what he has done? (This is another time to ask God for help – He knows exactly what you should do.)

Sometimes all it takes is exactly what the nanny suggests – talk to him and give him “Time Out”. Note: One minute per year is about the right “Time Out” period – use a timer. And sending him/her to a room filled with toys & electronic devises is NOT time out!

Here is a good plan of action:
Make sure your child knows the rules, as well as the consequences of disobedience.
Stop the child and remind them of the rules, and the consequence of continuing.
Stick to your Rules & Follow through.
Talk to them & use the Time Out Plan
If they do it again, use the Time Out Plan & take away a privilege. Like: No TV, Video Games or Computer Access Tonight. And follow through.
If they do it a 3rd time – that is direct disobedience. Spanking is in order.

Spanking
It is better to use an object to paddle rather than your hand.
Try a paddle like the ones used as a toy with the red ball on a rubber band. Make sure you remove the staple along with the ball & band!
Try a paint stick or a wooden spoon.
Keep one in the car or real handy.
Never spank when YOU are angry.
Young children need a visual – let them see the handle hanging out of your purse.

Don’t make promises that you don’t keep!
How many times have you heard a parent say “If you do that one more time mommy is going to spank” and then never follow through? No wonder the child acts like that. Our restaurants are filled with undisciplined children. Sadly, most parents stay at home with their kids rather than deal with the problem.

Just WHO is in charge here?
Remember YOU are the parent. God has given you a little child that needs to be raised. They don’t come automatically making the right choices – we must TEACH them to choose things wisely.

Learn from Farmers and Farming
I like to think about horses when raising children. And I imagine that earlier generations that were raised on a farm had a better advantage when it comes to training/discipline. On the farms, as horses were born, there came a time that they had to be broken. This process was necessary, without being broken, the finest, strongest horse was worthless. And everyone on the farm knew the value of a strong horse that could be ridden or guided to pull a wagon or plow.

Discipline & Sacrifices were Real
Discipline had a real meaning to farmers – get up early, work hard at planting & plowing or … YOU DON’T EAT. Sacrifices were abundant. The pig had to die in order for them to have dinner. (My kids thought that meat came in plastic wrap at the grocery store.)

Children need Discipline
The problem is, parents must take the time to discipline and they must work together for discipline to work. (Some of our families have pets that are more disciplined than our children.)

Guidelines that Protect are needed
Discipline is really just guidelines that protect and encourage. Think about that little tree you planted in the back yard. You carefully selected the right spot, added good soil & Miracle Grow. You watered it frequently and you protected it from bugs and disease. As it grew, you added a plastic piece around the trunk to protect it from the weed-eater. Then you added wires and stakes to help it withstand storms and wind.

We do a pretty good job of keeping toddlers away from the poison under the sink – we put in child-proof cabinet locks. But when they get 6 or 8 or 10, we let them choose what music to listen to, what TV programs to watch, what Video Game to play and as long as they keep quiet, we assume everything is okay.

YOU must protect your children from All types of Hurt.
ü Who should decide what your child will listen to? YOU should!
ü Who should decide what your child will watch? YOU should!
ü Who should decide what games your child will play? YOU should!
ü Who should decide what books your child should read? YOU should!
ü Who should decide what your child will eat? YOU should!

When in doubt – Teach them the right way.
You cannot risk the life of a child to happenstance, the media, or the school system. You have only a few years to pour into that life. What are YOU teaching him? What will he value most in life? Whether you plan to teach him or not, you are teaching him life’s values. If all you do is work, he will learn the lesson. Ever heard the old song Cats in the Cradle?

Yes, I know you want to be a friend to your child. Well, now is not the time. YOU must first be a PARENT.

A Generation that grew up by themselves?
Children that grow up without parents are called orphans. Is that what we’ve allowed to happen in America? Have we substituted things instead of time with our kids? If you grew up without parental input, your parenting has been skewed. Now is the time to re-think your parenting skills.

Is it time to check out what you are teaching? School is great, Sunday School & Children’s Church is even better, but you are the PARENT. How much time do you spend with your kids? Don’t be suckered in with that Quality vs. Quantity stuff. When it comes to your kids Time equals LOVE.

Single parent - You are not alone.
Let God help you through every struggle, He will. He will be a Father to the fatherless. (That promise comes from the father of the other wise man quoted.) Grandparents can help here too - I know.

Now, that is where we started. If you have done your parenting job with loving care, benefits will follow. One of them is grandchildren. There is no greater joy than to hug your grand baby and to have her one day hug back. Now at age 10, I get to be a friend to my granddaughter, Alyssa. We play golf , tennis, go fishing and “hang out” – whatever that means. And there is such peace in your heart, when you know this baby/child is being raised to know right from wrong. Here is one of the quotes she has hidden in her heart:
Trust In the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him. And he will make your paths straight.

Mom & Dad, wherever you are in this process, DON”T GIVE UP! Start today. Let God guide your parenting and get your family to church!